Under Society’s Gaze: What Africa Brooke is Teaching Us About the Decentering of Human Authenticity
One of Sigmund Freud’s famous theories is about scrutinising human identity, where he talked about the ID, Superego, and Ego. Simply Psychology explains to us that, according to Freud, “the id is the primitive and instinctual part of the mind that contains sexual and aggressive drives and hidden memories, the superego operates as a moral conscience, and the ego is the realistic part that mediates between the desires of the id and the superego.” One might want to ask themselves how a psychologist ended up creating a study model about this; if anything, it might have been from a keen observation of how humans behaved, got triggered, and were affected by society.
The same observation inevitably accumulated for Africa Brooke as she — in her own life’s orbit — got presented with an array of politics in many folds, from placement to culture, identity, tradition, class, and everything in between. We live in an era that is becoming more and more stringent and limiting within freedom and rights previous decades did not have. This has become a triggering paradox for millennials and Gen Zs, because how can freedom censor and limit human beings?
Humans are pressured to conform to societal norms or bend from a corner of the binary notion. It often leads to the suppression of personal desires and expression driven by singularity. This dynamic results in characters struggling to balance their true selves with the roles and behaviours expected of them by society, illustrating the impact of social conformity on individual identity.
London-based shapeshifter, Africa Brooke, has done inspiring and impactful work as a consultant, mentor, speaker and writer around the topics of authentic self-expression and self-elevation. The Zimbabwean-born trailblazer wears many hats as a consultant, credentialed coach, strategist, and international speaker with a distinguished passion for tackling self-sabotage and self-censorship.
Africa has made waves in society by presenting a rejection to woke culture and binary thinking, which has echoed globally as seen in ITV, BBC Radio One, BBC Radio 4, BBC Sounds, and acclaimed podcasts such as Steven Bartlett’s Diary of a CEO and The Jordan B Peterson podcast.
It is an afternoon in London as Africa jolts her infectious smile over Zoom, and the warmest inviting “Hello darling!” as she opens up to talk about how society is constantly decentering human authenticity by enforcing collective thinking and rigid societal standards.
Tsholofelo Lehaha: Africa Brooke is multi-dynamic — you moved to England when you were nine, and have been vocal about alcoholism, as well as some of your childhood, being African living in the UK, how have these experiences and identities shaped your journey and the work you do today?
Africa Brooke: I would say that my historical context is a big part of the work that I do. Being from Zimbabwe, immigrating to the UK, especially at that time in the early 2000’s when we did not have diversity conversations in the way that we have them now. We didn't have a sense of inclusion and accepting differences in the way we do have it now, so moving from a country like Zimbabwe where I was undoubtedly a part of a majority — the black majority even across tribal lines being surrounded by other Shona people to suddenly be in the UK and living in one of the least racial racially diverse areas in Kent. It was just in the early 2000s, it was a very, very eye opening experience. I would say, and still say to this day, that it’s where I first realised I was black. I never had to think about it before. But not only that, it wasn't the realisation of the way I had been racialised, but that it’s somewhat a problem.
So I think that's when I started to really experience what a low level identity crisis looks like and feels like, where you can't change anything about how you look, you can't change anything about how you are, but you are told that it’s being unacceptable. But I am always so grateful for the home that I grew up in, being Zimbabwean, being from a family where there’s no such thing as being a victim. I was never made to feel like we were poor, even though we didn't have anything. I was never made to feel like my skin colour is a problem even though my mom was experiencing racial abuse at work because she was a nurse, she was an adult nurse, so she was working with dementia patients who could say absolutely anything with no level of accountability because they are mentally unwell. So she was experiencing very real, racial abuse, and yet in our home, we were never made to feel like we needed to think of ourselves as less. And the way the work that ties to the work that I found myself doing now decades later is that brave expression is something that I stand for so strongly, regardless of your identity regardless of how much adversity you have been through in your life, regardless of how many times you have fallen I truly believe that we get to express ourselves bravely even when it's uncomfortable to do so. So I think my story and my journey, even struggling with alcohol in my teenage years to early twenties, all of that combined, all of that adversity combined, has led me to have the internal and external strength that I have today, where you can realise that the things that have happened to you in life don't get to shape your story. So I think all of that is a very, very important part of what I do.
T.L: It’s so interesting that as you are speaking, I remember something that Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie talked about, that we deal with other things in African countries, like colourism. But then you get to a Western country and it’s a whole different ball.
“The Third Perspective is something that I want people to reach to as not just a philosophy or concept, but a tool that can help you in every interaction, where you're like, there's something here that I'm not seeing.”
A.B: Yeah. It's something that I tell young people. I speak to many young people now, either young people that are still back home in Zimbabwe or people in the diaspora, and there’s so much we have experienced and so much that we will experience. Something that I find so beautiful, especially with people of African origin, is that we have never bought into victimhood. We have never felt that we’re victims. We can accept that we have been victimised in different ways but I think there’s something so profound in the strength that we have, in that we can see the reality of the world but we don't let that define our identity. And for me, that's a running through line of everything that I do today, that whatever I experience outside of me doesn't actually get to define what I become going forward. I credit that to being where I am from.
T.L: As someone who wears multiple hats, as a consultant, coach, speaker, and writer, how do you balance these roles and maintain authenticity and impact across different spaces?
A.B: I think of it this way — two main pillars that hold up the work that I do is self-sabotage, wanting to understand why do we get in our own way, why is it that even when things are going very well the closer we get to our goal suddenly we start procrastinating? Why do we suddenly start to feel uncomfortable when we are in a good relationship and you feel like you need to walk away from the person before they walk away from you? Like, why do we get in the way of our own success —why does what we say we want and our behaviour conflict with that?
The other pillar is self-censorship. This is when you withhold your honest thoughts, your honest opinions, even ideas that you have because you're afraid that you're going to be punished for it. ‘If I say what I truly think, I’m going to get into trouble’, and that's not a conscious thought, it's a very unconscious thing. So I have always wanted to understand those two things. Why do we sabotage ourselves and why do we self-censor? And then the vehicles in which I use to explore that work is through the medium of speaking. It’s through podcasting, consulting, through coaching, so whether I am supporting a team or an individual or a group of people or speaking in front of a thousand people what allows me to keep that balance and that focus is knowing that these are my two areas of speciality. And by having those as an anchor I can go into many different ways of still putting forward the message.
T.L : Comfort is often associated with physical ease and alleviation. How do you define comfort beyond the physical, particularly in terms of emotional well-being?
A.B : Comfort is creating an environment within myself that feels safe. An environment within myself where I trust my decision-making, an environment within myself where I get to practice saying ‘no’ and feel good about that ‘no’. A practice where I get to say ‘yes’ even if it scares me a little, bit but ultimately I am creating an environment of peace and an environment of self-trust internally. So, regardless of whether I am experiencing an outside discomfort, I have that comfort within me. As much as I love a massage or a facial, or just a comfortable home, that’s just a bonus to the environment I have created within myself.
T.L : As we have touched a bit on it, one of the main focuses in your expression and coaching is censorship, why is it so important for you? When I go online and I see Africa that’s the first thing that comes to mind, do you want to let us know more about that?
AB: There are quite a few reasons why, but the biggest reason why it's important to unravel self-censorship is because when you don't say what you truly mean and take the communication and emotional risks to say what you truly mean , and to be honest with your words and your thoughts and your mind you rob yourself of intimacy. And I think that’s really really important because how can I deepen my relationship with you if I’m not expressing my needs, if i’m not willing to get things wrong, if i’m not willing to say ‘actually, I don’t agree with that’ or ‘actually, I don't feel that way’ or ‘I think a little differently’. I will never get to connect deeper with you, but not only that, I rob myself of intimacy with myself because I am not trusting myself. I can't even trust my own word, I can't even honour my thought process, I can't even take responsibility for my own opinions. So how am I supposed to cultivate my own resilience? So that comfort that we were speaking about earlier, how can I cultivate a comfortable space of trust and honesty if I'm biting my tongue and not only biting my tongue, but swatting away my thoughts. So there are so many things but ultimately, whether we like it or not, if you choose to self-censor, (I use the word choose very intentionally because it's a choice) you rob yourself of intimacy with yourself, other people and the world around you.
T.L : And I think it’s a very scary place to be at because you can also adopt how people self-censor? Because you are not being intimate with yourself?
A.B : Absolutely. You end up taking on other people’s thoughts, other people’s opinions, whatever is approved by the outside world — you take it as a part of yourself and then you make decisions from that place. You build relationships from that place, so it does have a ripple effect. And I know it’s so scary to allow yourself to be more comfortable with saying what you truly think but just remember that it gets to be a really slow process. Meet yourself where you are. It's not about doing something big, audacious and premature, I always think about it this way; its like in those little micro moments where you are around a dinner table with one other person or a group of friends where before you would have just agreed with what the majority think, in that micro moment respond a little bit differently. To say ‘actually, I don't see it that way’, it can be that simple. When we stop thinking that undoing self-censorship means taking this big audacious scary action. It doesn't always mean that. It's in those moments that micro little interactions where you say ‘actually this doesn't feel so good’ or ‘can I get another drink, this one is too sweet’, it could be anything! The brain cannot tell the difference between a perceived threat and an actual physical threat, it can be a tiny little thing or a really big thing but the brain experiences it the same. It can feel like you are inflicting violence and harm on someone else by saying what you think but that's not always the case.
T.L : Societal norms and cultural expectations influence our perception of trauma and healing, how can people navigate these influences to prioritise their authenticity more autonomously?
A.B : I think to experience yourself authentically, especially in a world where there always have been and will continue to be so many cultural norms, so many instructions about how you should do something, “this is the right way to deal from a break up”, “this is the right way to have different conversations with your family”, “this is the right way to ask for a raise” — there’s always someone telling you with such conviction that this is the right way to do something. What we don't practise enough is self-consulting. What would it look like if you were to consult yourself, to say, “actually, this is the true context of my life and my own reality, what if I was just to listen?” Be with that heartbreak, be with that pain instead of turning to Ten Top Ways to Get Over Someone, what would it look like to actually feel what it is you feel right now? To hold that discomfort, to hold that grief. We’re losing our patience so much that it is getting difficult to hold the truth of our emotions, the truth of the discomfort we are experiencing, the truth of taking a risk with someone. I’ve not only seen this in my own life but even from having worked with thousands of clients in this point in time, I’ve seen that it always comes back to self-consulting and even deeper than that, to listening to yourself, the truth of what it is that you feel, the truth of the reality of your own life, and then I think from that place your discernment muscle is a little bit stronger that even if you start seeking information outside of you, even if you start looking for some podcast, you know what you're looking for instead of just taking whatever is given to you. You have an idea of what you need at that point in time, that maybe a message you need is how you need to work with grief in a way that is helping.
T.L : You recently announced that your debut book can now be pre-ordered, ‘The Third Perspective, and then it says ‘Expression in the Age of Intolerance’ the title already has us wondering what is a third perspective and what do you mean by an age of intolerance, what is the book’s narrative to the world?
A.B : It’s for us. It’s ours. The Third Perspective is an invitation out of the binary. Irrespective of where you are in the world right now, especially because of the globalisation of technology where there is isnt much separation from west to east and north to south, we’re all interacting with each other’s opinions, each other’s thoughts, each other’s values, and each other’s ideas. So now more than ever, the level of division and polarisation is just unimaginable and social media and the internet allows for it to be seen in a way we’ve never seen and with that comes something that is so natural to human beings — our binary mind, where we want to know if you are good, bad, evil, safe or unsafe, pro or anti, and if you are with us or against us. There is this pressure to pick a side. But the third perspective, is that invitation to be like actually, what if (and there always is) there is an alternative approach? What if there's a third way? What if you're in conflict with your partner, and you're stuck in your story, and they're stuck in theirs? What if there's another story between you that can allow for you to repair? What if when you are so firmly in your ego and in your self righteousness, there's a third perspective that is just there waiting to be tapped into that will offer you so much connection and peace and understanding.
The Third Perspective is something that I want people to reach to as not just a philosophy or concept, but a tool that can help you in every interaction, where you're like, there's something here that I'm not seeing. So the subtitle being Brave Expression in the Age of Intolerance. I did that for a smart reason, because of our binary minds, people might think, Oh, finally, Africa's writing about those people that are so intolerant. But actually, it's our own intolerance. In the first chapter, I asked you to look at your own intolerance, because only then can you start to see other people's more compassionate lens and realise that we will have an intolerance within us. But when we tap into a third perspective, we're able to honour each other's differences without trying to convince or convert other people. And I just want to give us actual communication tools. I want to help people understand what their communication style is, what is your listening style? What is your relationship with self-censorship? Do you have a problem with self-censorship? Or do you have a problem with what I call an unrefined social filter where you say everything that is on your mind?
T.L: You also voice your opinions a lot around what society has normalised, the limitations of binary thinking? Would you say this stems from a place of fearing discomfort? People thinking that it is comfort? Would you say maybe we do not want to get out of that binary thinking because we're scared or anxious?
A.B: Yeah, I think we are. I think we have to really understand our nature and our biology, in that even though we're now in modern day society in 2024 advancement of technology, we have all of these tools, all of these things. We're still tribal creatures, we don't want to be cast out of the community, the way that we are wired is that if I deviate from the norm, if I deviate from what the group thinks, if the group decides this is correct, and I don't think it's correct, I'm going to be exiled. And at some point in time, especially for our ancestors, it meant an actual danger, it meant you would go without food, without shelter, it meant so many things that meant actual danger. Even now, when we don't, for the most part, it really does depend also where you are in the world, because there are some places where there's a very real cost to deviation from what is seen as the societal norm. But for most of us, we don't have to have those fears anymore, but we're afraid of being cast out of the group. So it's much easier to agree with things that you don't agree with, it's much easier to repress the parts of you that you think will be unacceptable to other people. And because we don't encourage each other out loud, to embrace discomfort we truly believe that only the things that are comfortable and feel good in the body are the things that we should do, and are the things that are good for us.
That couldn't be farther from the truth. Because to cultivate confidence, to cultivate resilience and fortitude and grit, you need to experience discomfort, and not a discomfort that puts you into danger, but a discomfort that feels like you have a visceral response to it. And it doesn't feel quite good in the body but you know that it's important and essential for new growth
T.L: So, discomfort is quite synonymous with the uncanny and the unfamiliar. How do you help individuals navigate through the discomfort of confronting their own biases, assumptions or blind spots?
A.B: So the first thing that I always make known from people is that it starts with awareness. That's it, my work — even the way that I write this book is through three pillars, there's awareness and responsibility and expression. And a lot of the time people want to jump to expression, they want the results straight away, they want the solution straight away, they want to know what they say straight away, what is the strategy, but if I'm not actually aware of what your blind spots actually are, if I'm not aware of where what your starting point is, then we can't actually get that finished result. So it's always that awareness stage. And it's going to look very different for people. But because a lot of my work is about communication, a lot of it is about expression. And a lot of it is about getting out of your own way. So you can truly be seen in your purpose and your mission and your greatness. It is about stepping out of the shadows and being seen as the person you truly want to be seen as. So I always need to know what is currently holding you back. What areas are you sabotaging yourself in? What areas are you procrastinating in? Do you find yourself over-planning but never actually executing? Because that tends to be a lot of people, constantly in the planning stage, never the execution stage. So it's always going to be awareness, and it looks very, very different. But I really need to get into your mind and to really understand it. So the many different exercises that we do, I like to use very deep questioning with a lot of prompts. I'm also a Clinical Hypnotherapist. So sometimes we might use different types of tools. Because a lot of it is not just about tapping into the conscious mind — what you already know, because we all have a script and a narrative and a story. But it's about the subconscious things. What are the things that you hide from the world that other people don't know about you? What are some of the fears that you've never shared with anyone else? What are some of the things that maybe present this side of yourself but actually, that is not completely true to who you are as a person. So this is where impostor syndrome comes in, which tends to be something that I work on with people. I have so many clients that are masters in their craft that have been doing something for a decade or two decades, very accomplished or hype famous, but they believe that one day, they're going to be found out as fraudulent. ‘What if people find out that I'm not really good at my job when I have all of this external proof?’ So that awareness stage is always the starting point with every client, the details can be different. But I need to know what are some of the mindset Gremlins that you have that are stopping you from doing what you need to do. So it's always that starting point.
T.L: You have mentioned moving away from the "cult of wokeness" and embracing a more nuanced understanding of societal issues, don’t you think movements such as wokeness have been strong tools to challenge cultural standards? How do your evolved views approach these issues?
A.B: That's a very provocative title, isn't it? , Because that’s going to make people feel many different things, so many assumptions. And that was very intentional, because I think the word ‘woke’ in its origins, and it’s true state is very important, very powerful. We need it, we shouldn't be trying to get rid of it. However, it's been co-opted by people in very, very bad faith. And it's something that has happened mainly on social media, people that are not truly activists, people that don't understand the origins of that word, people that have taken it, to use it as a way to kind of practice being self-righteous, demanding that people speak a certain way, or think a certain way, demand that people prove their goodness, if you're truly a good person, then you need to be using this correct language. And if you don't use this correct language, then you are x, y, z. So I think there are so many bad faith actors that have co-opted very honest and important things in the realm of social justice, and creating what we have now, which is cancel culture. I completely push back on that so strongly.
To me, wokeness is kind of like a manifestation of something that was very honest, something that was very potent, something that was very useful, but it sort of became an identity piece, you know. So for me, that's the very specific distinction. And that's the place that I speak from, which is why wanting to understand the psychological workings of cancel culture has been a big part of my work for the past four years, because I think it's contributed to even more division. It's contributed to even honest activists that I've that I've been working with for a long time, like on the ground activists that have been pushed out of their own communities, because of this level of intolerance, and so much infighting in groups where we should be looking for connection, which had been looking for, how do we mobilise and come together and truly push back on injustice. But it just started to become something that wasn't quite right. Something that truly became a form of collective sabotage, which is what I call cancel culture. I prefer to call it collective sabotage. Because to me, that's exactly what it is. We're getting in the way of what we say we want. We're saying we want certain things. But the tools that we're using to get those things are just extremely regressive, you know? So for me that's the place that it comes from. And, you know, in my evolved mind, I think it's useful for us to be pushing back against injustice. But I think we need to be honest about the culture that we've created a culture of intolerance, a culture of fear, a culture where we can't come together, or we find it difficult to come together to actually aim for something useful.
T.L: You have been vocal about your sobriety journey and bravely confronting the shame around it. At some point, you talked about how alcohol sort of manifested itself as the discomfort, how did that look like against your own self gaze, or how you looked at yourself?
A.B: My relationship with alcohol started from the age of 14 up until I was 24, and it quickly started to take a very rapid progression into chaos from about the age of 19. And the reason I am putting those ages forward is really important because from 14 Up until 24, you're really figuring out who you are as a person, you're stepping into being a teenager, leaving your pre-teen years behind, you're being a teenager, even starting my period, learning my body for the first time, starting to experience desires, sensuality, sexuality, relationships, relationships with women, relationships with my family, my body changing in a big way. And then going into early adulthood, you're figuring out the essence of who you are as a human being, especially as a young woman. So because alcohol was a very big part of that time period, I was so numb to really experiencing any of those things. I truly allowed the external world to decide who I was, or whatever the condition, alcohol put me in, that would inform who I became. So if men or boys outside of me, were showing me desire, and especially if I was drunk, I would just think I'm supposed to engage with it, you know, I'm just supposed to have sex with this person, because they want to have sex with me, I'm just supposed to want these things because they want me to do this. So I didn't feel autonomous in my own body, I didn't know or give myself a chance to find out that my needs were actually important, that I get to say no, or that I get to give a confident yes, or that there is such a thing as consent. And I can decide whether I want to do something or not. So I think it was a very destructive time. And I'm so grateful that I got to get sober still, at a young age at 24, when I still had time to figure myself out as a young woman, to realise that some of the things that I had done, the things that had been done to me, were not some kind of moral failing to really understand what alcohol does on a brain base level, so that I can stop being like a moral thing. And I can look at it for what it actually was that way, this is a substance that alters your state of mind. So of course, you're not able to think clearly in certain situations. But for me, it really pulled me away from myself for a long time. So the fact that I was able to after seven relapses, the fact that I was finally able to get sober at 24, and still give myself a second chance at life, and to still discover myself as a young woman was so profound, because now I'm only 31. But I can look at eight years of sobriety. And to be like, Wow, I actually gave myself all of that time to do some of the things that maybe I would have done at a younger age. So even though there were dark periods, I think that was an important season of adversity for me to experience because the learnings from that have been so profound. And they've led me to my purpose of today, you know,
T.L: Do you feel like regret has factored? If yes, how have you dealt with it?
A.B: No regret. None at all. And no, and this is not something that I say retrospectively because of where my life is now. It's something that I felt immediately when I could tell that sobriety was going to last this time around when I was about three months sober and six months sober. It could have been easy for me to look at that young girl and that version of me through the lens of shame, regret, like she's in the rear view, but I always feel like she's right there beside me. I don't regret anything. I also had a lot of fun at that time. It wasn't all dark when it was fun. It was fun. There's a level of freedom that I got to experience. I got to see that with or without alcohol but alcohol helps me to see that I am wild at heart, I never needed to feel wild in my spirit. But I never needed it to be witty, to be desirable, to have incredible sets to experiences, intimacy, or to dance like no one is watching or to feel comfortable singing or making art. But alcohol at that time showed me those things. So I don't regret it because I got to experience aspects of myself that I never could have experienced in any other ways. So I do look at it fondly. I don't advocate for any of the things that I did, because I could have really gotten into danger. And I'm so grateful that I didn't. But no, no regrets. It was all an essential piece of the puzzle that I'm still creating to this day.
